if i died would you start the facebook group?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
