he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
