i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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