you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
