We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
