I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
