accomplished twins. life is a go
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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