either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I had to cum in my sink.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
