People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
