lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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