I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
