They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
