I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
