I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
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