oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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