i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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