They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
