I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
