There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I need to calm my uterus...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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