woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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