HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
