is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
