Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
