How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
