just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
