i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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