she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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