Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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