Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
