I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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