Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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