well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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