He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am mentally ready for anal.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
