Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
