Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
