I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
