I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
