Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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