do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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