her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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