yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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