TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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