We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So vagazzling was a success
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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