how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
