He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
