I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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