Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
