it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
