so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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