she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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