Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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