i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
