getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
