I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
