I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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