TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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