Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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