If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
