i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
my god I love twenty year old dicks