i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night