Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?