Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.

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  (203): When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you. http://tfl.nu/1g0q
  Replies (5) Good night (852) Bad night (2802)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.

  (360): View more from Washington

  I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.

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  (503): Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch. (360): I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina. http://tfl.nu/x3ve
  Replies (92) Good night (4806) Bad night (1035)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?

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  (412): Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went? http://tfl.nu/2c9n
  Replies (22) Good night (2902) Bad night (761)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.

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  (870): just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here. http://tfl.nu/j596
  Replies (6) Good night (4258) Bad night (680)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.

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  (406): As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network. http://tfl.nu/cww0
  Replies (19) Good night (5464) Bad night (999)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish

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  (585): you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish http://tfl.nu/f18y
  Replies (17) Good night (8460) Bad night (960)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.

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  (770): i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises. http://tfl.nu/q0zn
  Replies (52) Good night (6719) Bad night (1782)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.

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  (404): He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me. http://tfl.nu/t7d5
  Replies (19) Good night (1595) Bad night (5626)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.

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  (559): He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed. http://tfl.nu/q245
  Replies (14) Good night (1850) Bad night (1410)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan

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  (203): Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan http://tfl.nu/spkf
  Replies (9) Good night (2279) Bad night (889)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.

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  (256): I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy. http://tfl.nu/dl4u
  Replies (7) Good night (662) Bad night (2253)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days

  (1-910): View more from North Carolina

  you have got to get your shit together

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  (910): dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days (1-910): you have got to get your shit together http://tfl.nu/bju9
  Replies (11) Good night (540) Bad night (1555)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours

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  (613): He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours http://tfl.nu/8ij2
  Replies (3) Good night (938) Bad night (634)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.

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  (479): Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day. http://tfl.nu/u3e4
  Replies (4) Good night (1353) Bad night (650)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams

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  (303): If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams http://tfl.nu/psml
  Replies (1) Good night (425) Bad night (213)

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