Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink. (630): if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan. http://tfl.nu/ows1
  Replies (6) Good night (1348) Bad night (1559)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife. http://tfl.nu/c5bq
  Replies (36) Good night (9806) Bad night (846)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not... http://tfl.nu/7o3n
  Replies (13) Good night (1017) Bad night (3587)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010"......... http://tfl.nu/3k58
  Replies (7) Good night (794) Bad night (2698)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat. http://tfl.nu/5t46
  Replies (4) Good night (1577) Bad night (888)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth http://tfl.nu/emd7
  Replies (9) Good night (2046) Bad night (959)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own. http://tfl.nu/b2cm
  Replies (1) Good night (2966) Bad night (526)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots http://tfl.nu/44j2
  Replies (4) Good night (648) Bad night (1579)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio http://tfl.nu/9d6t
  Replies (10) Good night (3479) Bad night (764)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE. http://tfl.nu/wm9f
  Replies (25) Good night (3997) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong. http://tfl.nu/d58h
  Replies (6) Good night (1361) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in? http://tfl.nu/gh3z
  Replies (19) Good night (1180) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan. http://tfl.nu/ggx4
  Replies (11) Good night (1513) Bad night (543)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other. http://tfl.nu/sl8d
  Replies (7) Good night (953) Bad night (305)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...

  (1-216): View more from Ohio

  I can't

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter... (1-216): I can't http://tfl.nu/0pin
  Replies (4) Good night (231) Bad night (739)

Randomize