Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Randomize
