Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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