You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
