absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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