Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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