Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
