I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
do nipples grow back?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
