i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
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So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
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You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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